The Honest Struggle

Every day

is an honest struggle

to fight the fear

that I am forever alone,

a war against mental snipers and automatic thoughts:

Always forgotten,

Always forgettable,

Always unlovable,

Always broken,

Always left out,

Always invisible,

Always boring,

And ugly,

And hurting.

Always empty and half-enough.

 

Nothing stabs me like the days

I’m given to try again,

the mornings I wake up on a mission

to face myself with love.

Discouragement always seems to remember its way,

stalking me until I want to surrender,

but still, I keep going.

 

Every day is an honest struggle,

but no matter how dark the clouds

Or how much my chest feels swallowed up in anguish,

I’ll keep writing

and hoping

and crying

and praying

and asking God the hurting questions.

 

I’ll keep believing that there are miracles inside my pain,

Scars that will shine with a beautiful, brave glory,

confident in their testimony that healing is real.