I don’t want to feel sad anymore.

My memory can’t always give me the peace of a precise beginning. All I know is that my sadness started somewhere and stayed.

From secret sadness to downpour sadness, from sadness with a clear cause to sadness with no perceivable why, I’ve felt them all.

Shame bullies me into feeling worse.

• I am unworthy because I keep feeling sad.
• My friends and family will get tired of me if tell them I am struggling…again.
• People can sense when I’m crumbling inside; I need a stronger mask.
• Why do I feel this way when I have so much to be grateful for?
• I must be defective.
• I’ll never get it right.

How easy is it to forget my progress, my help, and my unbreakable bond with love and purpose?

³ All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. ⁴ He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (Bible, New Living Translation)

¹⁰ Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.

Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you.

    I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

Isaiah 41:10 (Bible, New Living Translation)

God would never turn me away because I’m hurting.

…

While home alone yesterday, I washed dishes. As hot water and soap ran over silverware, sticky with Sweet Baby Ray’s, an unfamiliar song met me in solitude. I listened to every word.

Like a long lonely stream
I keep runnin’ towards a dream
Movin’ on, movin’ on
Like a branch on a tree
I keep reachin’ to be free
Movin’ on, movin’ on

‘Cause there’s a place in the sun
Where there’s hope for everyone
Where my poor restless heart’s gotta run
There’s a place in the sun
And before my life is done
Got to find me a place in the sun

Like an old dusty road
I get weary from the load
Movin’ on, movin’ on

Like this tired troubled earth
I’ve been rollin’ since my birth
Movin’ on, movin’ on

There’s a place in the sun
Where there’s hope for everyone
Where my poor restless heart’s gotta run
I know there’s a place in the sun
And before my life is done
Got to find me a place in the sun

You know when times are bad
And you’re feeling sad
I want you to always remember

Yes, there’s a place in the sun
Where there’s hope for everyone
Where my poor restless heart’s gotta run
I know there’s a place in the sun

“A Place in the Sun” by Stevie Wonder